we are far too easily pleased

I've read C.S. Lewis' sermon "The Weight of Glory" about 3 times now, and it seems to be packed with some of the most sobering, and yet hopeful truths that I've ever been confronted with. Here is one of my favorite sections of it:

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

I find this to be such a humbling statement. To know that our earthly desires, in all their current strength and seeming importance, are pretty much a joke in comparison to what we are offered...

Honestly, could we handle the glory that we are offered if we were to be shown it in full right now? I'm not quite sure we could.

some things I cannot adequately describe with words

some things that I honestly cannot adequately describe with words:

-the profound effect that the beauty of the music of Sigur Ros and Morten Lauridsen have on my soul

-the absolute perfection that is the combination of tastes achieved when a good french pressed coffee meets my grandmother's pecan pie

-the feeling of a warm coat, hat, and scarf in the midst of bitter cold

baby, it's cold outside

I love living in Oklahoma. Here in one reason why.

Yesterday, at about 4 p.m., it was approximately 75 degrees fahrenheit. Less than 6 hours later, the temperature was approximately 25 degrees fahrenheit. Ridiculous.

I didn't grow up here, so when we moved here in 1999, I had no idea that the weather could change so rapidly. I soon learned though, and over the last 9 years, this has become commonplace. I remember when my grandma and grandpa came out here for my graduation, a huge thunderstorm blew in in about 10 mins. Perfectly blue skies to torrential downpour and huge thunder and lightning. We (my parents, siblings, and I) didn't flinch. However, my grandma acted as if the world was ending, that Jesus Christ himself was riding in on his white horse on the front edge of this storm. I've honestly never known anyone that worries more than her.

All that to say, it's amazing to me how something like weather, and peoples mindsets, can change so quickly.

oh, what a weekend

So the last 4 days have been especially great. Thanksgiving in Georgia with family for the first time in 3 years was the beginning. I can't honestly think of better food on the planet than at grandmothers house. She always has the freshest green beans, the most perfect stuffing, and sourdough bread to die for. Top that off with sweet tea, and you've created yourself a picture of heaven on earth. Oh, and we can't forget the pecan pie...

Then Friday with grandma and that side of the family. Some good mexican food and more sweet tea at Tiajuana's, followed by the Book Nook (an especially great used bookstore in downtown Dalton), then back to grandmas for some Sorry with my 7 year old cousin Gavin, who is the self proclaimed champion of Sorry. Unfortunately for him, he hadn't played me in a while, seeing as how Sorry is a game soley based on skill. Then to the Phase 10, which always ends up lasting far longer than anyone really wants it to. And finally, grandma's chili, which is absolutely the best chili known to man.

Saturday, we got back at about 9:45 after driving through the night, and I preceded back to Ada to nap in preperation for Bedlam, which turned out to be a great game as usual. I joined Jared, Jeff, and Dave for the game, and I must say it was quite a time. Jared and I brewed up some Nicaraguan fair trade coffee french press style, which, I might add, we got at the Robbie Seay show. Take that delicious coffee, add grandmothers pecan pie, and you have possibly one of the most dangerous food and drink combos that the world has ever seen. I believe that Jared will attest to its greatness.

Then, this morning, the Ten went quite well. That was followed by La Fiesta with more people than we had seats for at one table. The 12 page paper I wrote this afternoon wasn't very pleasant, but I got it done in anticipation of the Wii-fest which took place at the guys house. The house was packed once again, and it was a ton of fun.

I think I've seen a little bit of heaven the last 4 days, and it excites me.

relationships, or the lack thereof

It seems that relationships, whether ending or beginning, have been quite the hot topic as of late.

I hate that this is true, but our theory which states that high school couples that go into college still a couple either break up within 4-6 weeks of school starting, or they stick it out and end up getting married, has proven itself true once again. There are few examples that sit in between. Like I said, I hate to see friends deal with this.

Other friends have fallen into the same situations they have dealt with before, finding out too late a few interesting details about their new prospect that totally throws everything for a loop. It especially sucks when things are going well. How and why this happens absolutely escapes me.

In one more example, a friend once again steps out on a limb to give a dating relationship a try. Once again, said friend gets shut down, for no good reason I might add, but a reason that we understand.

All of these things make me realize the complexity of relationships. Whether it's beginning them, maintaining them, or ending them, I think we forget just how much work goes into them, which is something that I'm learning about in my Interpersonal Communication class right now. Hopefully, one day, when I'm a little bigger, a little stronger, a little smarter, I'll actually be able to help someone with these things...maybe.

What I've been waiting for

The jacket was necessary this morning as I left for class. That's one of my favorite days of the year. Chilled, clean, crisp air hit me in the face this morning as I rode my bike to class, and I couldn't really ask for much more.

I must say though, that the last few days have been interesting. I've spent some quality time with friends, new and old, and have been blessed by every second of it, but there is something that is weighing heavy on my heart, and I'm not 100% sure what the root of the weight is.

Might I suggest that everyone listens to Sigur Ros at this point? I believe they are best listened to on cold, clear nights, much like this one, driving in your car or riding your bike, looking up at the heavens, allowing the untouchable beauty of things created to shed a little light on the darkness.

From Psalm 8:
3 When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?

And from Psalm 147:
4 He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.

rainy days and soul searching escapades

It always seems that rainy days (which are my favorite types of days second only to very cold, crisp, perfectly clear days), stir up kinds of thoughts that only damp weather can.

I want to listen to Sigur Ros or Hammock with a cup of coffee in my hand and just think. To take a few moments while the sky falls to the earth and be alone in my head.

The dominating thought today has been a realization that I am far more blessed than I can even fathom. The last couple of nights have been incredible. Between playing music with close friends, to building relationships with new ones, and finally seeing an athletic event that our school just might have some potential to be pretty good in, love has been poured into me and I have dished it right back out.

I see the joy of Christ in these things, simple as they may be. As some of us talk about frequently, it is never disheartening to see people doing the things that they love to do. Someone taking part in that thing that they are passionate about, that thing that stirs their affections, encourages me to do the same.

I want whatever I do to give glory to the Creator. Eating, drinking, singing, playing, writing, setting, blocking, cooking, fooseballing, all for the glory of Christ.

The name of our fathers

To carry on the name of our fathers.

That's a lot of weight to carry, I believe. To do well to carry on the legacy that our father and grandfathers have built for us. A weight that I don't believe I'll fully understand until they are away from here, gone to be with the Eternal Father.

Maybe for some of us, our fathers name is something that we want to be rid of, for whatever reason. Maybe he did things that we, by no means, want to be associated with. Or maybe we are nothing but proud of the things that our fathers and their fathers before them have done, leaving us a name to carry with confidence. Either way, we carry that name with us. We also, those of us who follow Jesus, carry the name of our Heavenly Father.

This name is one that we to soon forget about, doing and saying things that do not further his name in the least. It's a name that we often forget we carry. It's the name by which we are saved, and yet we are quick to forget it.

I hope that I am doing all that I can to bring recognition and fame to His name, but I know that far to frequently, that's just not the case.

He gives and takes away

If you know the song "Blessed Be Your Name", or more importantly, know the story of Job from scripture, then you probably recognize the line in the title of this post. The last month or so, and especially this past week, these words have pervaded my thoughts.

Super Summer was this week, which are 7 days that I look forward to with great anticipation every year. This year was far different from any year that I have ever experienced before. Being on executive staff allows one to see another side of super summer, and a lot of times, its the one thats not pretty. Dealing with kids who are supposed to be leaders that are rude to their youth ministers or team leaders, sending kids home for pulling stupid pranks on each other, sending kids home because they became ill or got a spider bite, and sending kids home because of a tragedy in their family are just a few of the 'joys' that come along with the position. I personally didn't send a kid home, but the impact that has on their youth minister, who is being represented by that kid, can be very damaging.

Take those things and then add them to all the junk that has been happening in and to our church lately (deaths of family members, pipes breaking and flooding the sanctuary, air conditioners breaking, property being vandalized), and you have what seems to be a very frustrating and draining situation. These may be some of the things that fit in the category of "the Lord takes away".

While the above things weigh heavy on me and some of my friends, the Lord has not abandoned us, although sometimes it may feel as if he has. I had an amazing week leading worship for our school and I met some new friends. God revealed Himself to me in new ways that help to spur me on in this journey to follow and become like Christ. For that I am thankful.

All of this reminds me of a scripture that a friend pointed me to during my parents divorce. I'll leave you with the passage from 1 Corinthians chapter 1.

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

four years ago seems like yesterday

Last night, my little brother graduated from the prestigious Seminole High School. A few of my friends that I graduated with were there, and some of them I hadn't seen since our big night. Needless to say, awkward conversations and catching up commenced. I swear I was mentally preparing myself to go to Grants house after the commencement to play Halo until 6 in the morning like we did after our graduation.

It was surreal sitting there amongst the crowd of people, a lot of whom I recognized, watching my little brother and all his classmates walk across that field. It saddened me a bit to know that some of the people there had no connection to anyone graduating, other than the fact that they to graduated from Seminole, but they had nothing better to do than come sit in that old stadium. To think that some of them are still so deeply connected to that high school 5, 10, 20 years after they graduate is confusing to me. I guess that when I left that place, I was very much ready to be gone from there. This wasn't because I didn't enjoy my time there. I still love hearing about Chieftain football, what music the band is playing this year, and how the speech & debate team is doing, and how many people are failing Mrs. Rose's senior AP english class. But ultimately, I was needing to go, just to change my surroundings.

I'm not really sure what the point of all these ramblings are. Just observations I guess, but observations that have made me look hard at the last four years of my life and how much I have changed, and how the little old town of Seminole has virtually stayed the same.

graduations:grandmas

graduations:

a little over a week ago, some of my best friends graduated from college.

some of those friends went home immediately to begin to be grown ups. pretty lame if you ask me.

some of them stayed around for a little while, a bit reluctant to leave.

some of them decided that the plans that they had made were no longer going to be their plans, choosing to leave them for another road into the future, however hard that decision was.

some have no idea what they are going to do, and couldn't care if they found out or not.

regardless of their departure, its hard to see them leave. i know that in some cases, i will never be as close to them again as i was the day of graduation. that fact seems to haunt me sometimes, that they may become just some guys that i knew for four years or so, and not people that played an integral part of my life.

i could sit here and list the 1,000,000 memories that i have of the last 4 years, but i don't want to bore you (if you're still reading this). lets just say that God has ushered in a new season of life for me, one that i don't yet know what to think of.

and i wait ever so impatiently to know where He will lead me and who He will lead me to.

grandmas:

the realization that i don't know when my grandparents will die has subtly worked its way into my thoughts lately. a few friends have lost their loved ones lately, and it reminds me of my grandpa. i think back to the man that he was, who he taught me to be without my knowledge of him even doing so. i think about how my grandma loved him through it, how she patiently stayed with him until he went home to the banquent table, to drink good wine and eat good food with our Father.

each word from the mouths of my grandparents seem to hold more weight as of late. it doesn't matter if its my grandma warning me to put my savings bonds in a safe place so that they don't get lost, or if its my grandmother telling me she's proud of me for making good grades. i relish these utterances from the hearts of women who have spoken more wisdom into my heart than any other two people that i can think of.

and i love them for it.

you know what i's talking about?

have you ever had that one thing introduced to you that you absolutely
cannot get out of your head? it may be a book, a band, an instrument, a
movie, a song, a scripture, an insult, someone talking about your momma,
or any number of other things. you just can't push it out of your mind.

sometimes i embrace those things, if i like them enough. like the first
time that i hear a song and it haunts me for the rest of the day, or
sometimes a week or more, because it was just that captivating. or the
first time you watch a movie and you wish that your life could be that
way, not because the main character is a superhero and gets all the
ladies, but because you want to hurt like the protagonist did, you want
to have that kind of normal life instead of yours. or the first time
that you realize that there isn't a thing that you can do to gain your
own redemption and reconciliation, and its the most incredibly freeing
revelation that you have ever had.

sometimes i despise those things, if they upset me enough. like when
your parents tell you they're getting divorced after they've been
married for over 20 years. or a good friend tells you that their
favorite band is nickelback. or that there is nothing that you can do to gain your own redemption and reconciliation, and its the most incredibly frustrating revelation that you have ever been confronted with.

it's amazing how our minds work. and our hearts.

Really? You're not?

No, I am not a morning person. Thanks for asking.

But when I do get up early, there are some things that I very much enjoy.

1)The sunrise-it's a new day, aw baby it's a new day.

2)When it's cold, I enjoy being blasted with it when I walk out of my house. I guess it's the ultimate wakeup call.

3)A strong cup of coffee, preferably something french pressed or an americano. Not sure that there is much of anything better in the morning.

I guess what I'm saying is, getting up early is not so bad after all.

But some days it's the worst.